oh there's my blog, I must have been sitting on it!

Ok, sorry for the month-and-a-half or so of silence. The FatGuys have been in an extra-long hibernation. The sight of Kevin using his belly as a laundry folding table last night inspired me to post again. Stephen has promised some FatGuy-worthy news from Nacogdoches soon as well. I have added Kevin and Matt and hopefuly Stephen as contributors and I am looking forward to postings from the mouths of the Guys themselves... when they are not busy chewing.

super(size)heroes

Yet another flight of fancy took off from runway 1008 the other night. We were pulling out of the driveway when Justin started yelling "Quick, Fatman! To the Fatmobile!" Matt, the trusty sidekick, was quickly dubbed "Blobbin," and you can just imagine what ensued.

jiggling jedi

The FatGuys celebrated the DVD release of the last StarWars movie the other night with a hearty round of Justin's signature creamy milkshakes. What can beat lying immobile on the couch while downing copious amounts of calories... while watching the Jedis in the movie do all the work!

ode to our favorite sport

If it weren't for linebackers, sumo wrestling and competitive eating, FatGuys might be unfairly excluded from the wide world of sports. After all, where do you think the "Wide" came from in the first place? It's about time FatGuy athletes got some recognition, not just in Japan. Check out this story about some of our fat-loving friends.

Freddie goes FatGuy!

The FatGuys would like to offer their congratulations and praise to Freddie Prinze, Jr. According to this story, Freddie unleashed his inner FatGuy and totally mowed at the Chinese buffet. So much, in fact, that he tore the muscle between two ribs! That is a feat unparallelled even by the Guys themselves! If this story is indeed true (and we are not in a place to vouch for its veracity) then Freddie, though skinny, is now the honorary FatGuy of the Year. It just goes to show that even if you're lipid-challenged on the outside, it's the heart that counts. Freddie, we salute you!

More Adventures

I'm sorry to report that the latest FatGuy trip has been cancelled. Picture, if you will three FatGuys driving to Indianapolis - approximately four hours - in a Neon. What could be the motivation for such a non-roomy trip? Sonic, of course. Now that the one in Fort Wayne is closed, the nearest Sonic is in Indy. Only the lure of the cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper, cherry limeaid, tater tots, and cream pie shake could put the FatGuys in such a compromising position. The case that was made for cramming into the Neon was that it gets 32 miles to the gallon... however, I am certain that that number does NOT apply when the load limit of the vehicle is maxed out! Anyhow, the Guys got cold feet and opted instead for a trip to their other favorite destination, Famous Dave's Barbecue in Grand Rapids. A much shorter drive, and larger portions. And of course... the trip wasn't complete without a stop for ice cream afterwards!

Anyhow, the Guys decided to make a Western Michigan day out of it, and their bulk ended up serving them very well. They ventured out onto the pier in Grand Haven during a very windy day... and the only thing that saved them from being swept into Lake Michigan by the crashing waves was, of course, their impressive heft! One of the many reasons why being a FatGuy is so indisputably awesome.

The Best TV Show EVER!

If any of you were fortunate enough to turn on Bravo last night you got to experience the one of the best TV shows the FatGuys have ever seen.... "Great Things About Being Fat." The show said it all, actually... it pretty much rendered the blog obsolete! Go to the site and check out the schedule and make SURE you catch it this week. Just when I think I want to cancel this channel because 90% of the shows are so awful they make me want to barf.. they come up with this gem. We need to obtain a copy of this show and make it required FatGuy Club initiation material!

14 pound lasagna

The famous lasagna came out for our dinner this evening. And it was indeed 14 pounds... at the official weigh-in before cooking. It's become something of a ritual. Tim did a very FatGuy thing this evening as well... he DIDN'T go play hockey and he DID eat three very large pieces of lasagna. We are very proud of him! He will know the joys of rotundity yet!

the gut check

This site looks pretty promising... there aren't any really true FatGuys in the gallery yet though. If they come to Michigan State we will have to make sure we have a FatGuy lineup that will crowd out all the others. I'm not sure I can afford all that paint though!

hide and seek, fatguy style

This weekend we took our church youth group camping. They wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. Matt was sitting comfortably by the fire and he got to be "it." Well, this FatGuy wasn't about to burn the calories he'd just gained from his cheese brats by running around looking for hiders, so he decided to play along and count to 100 like he was supposed to. "One," he yelled out. About three minutes later, we hear "25!" Five minutes later... "26!" And so on... till they eventually all came back. Matt hadn't moved, but had "found them" nonetheless. A classic FatGuy ploy.

Bigger Better Blog

Welcome to the BIGGER and BETTER home of the FatGuyBlog! Please don't let the juicy burger cause you to drool on your keyboard, because you'll be needing it. I'm going to set up some of you charter members as contributors so you'll be able to post as well. Hope the new environment is roomy enough! I am still fooling with the pictures so please bear with me.

Rita Report

Here are the very important FatGuy highlights from Stephen's latest report on Hurricane Rita. What better place to be stranded than Nacogdoches, TX... birthplace of the Fat Guy Club. It was at these selfsame venues that the few extra pounds that finally pushed Justin over the edge were obtained. Guys, hope you can taste the memories...

"We get breakfast at McDonalds..."

"We finally get everyone together and go to lunch at Clear Springs (the place where Stacey and I had our rehearsal dinner) and the onion rings settled our hunger quickly. Due to the oppressive heat, upper 90’s, we do not get in any hurry to eat our dinner and leave the air conditioning, the cold soft drinks and hot cooked meals."

"Stacey and I sit in line at a Church’s Fried Chicken for 30 minutes in order to bring back some fried chicken to her parents for dinner ..."

"...Next, I came back to change and meet up with the family again and we head to my favorite place in Nacogdoches – Butcher Boys for a nice 1/3 lb bacon cheeseburger. Fortunately, they let evacuees have their food ½ price and this also helped out our family."

"We return to town had a relaxing dinner a La Carreta ..."

"...We were sitting on the porch in our own pools of sweat and I notice he’s sitting there with sweat pouring off him and he had the leaf blower sitting beside him. Next, I notice he has this mischievous twinkle in his eye like he’s about to do something coy or silly. He looks at the fan (a standard ceiling fan run by electricity) and looks at his leaf blower. Next thing you know, he cranks the leaf blower, aims it towards the fan and the blades of the fan start rotating...momentary relief."

new recruit

The FatGuys warmly welcomed a new member into their fold(s) yesterday. After experiencing fat "non-appreciation" from his fiancee (who otherwise seems like a very nice girl) he found solace in the sturdy companionship of the FatGuys and affirmation in their continual celebration of all things obese. Hopefully his fiancee will come to see the light of the glory of Fatness as well... when that light isn't blocked out...

moving experience

It was suggested last night that we replace our five steps going up to the second level with an escalator. Apparently the climb is far too strenuous for some members of our household. In a similar flight of fancy, a people-mover was suggested for the 25 yard-or-so "commute" from the house to the church. All this while sucking down a bottle of Easy Cheese on Ritz crackers. Nothing like food for inspiration...

the roof, the roof.... the roof is falling down!

Matt generously offered to paint and seal his mom's roof this weekend. As with many other tasks, the last time this was performed was when Matt was but a shadow of his current self. After some interesting maneuvers to get up on the roof without a ladder, which included nearly breaking his door handle by standing on it, he managed to hoist his largeness up and proceed to fix the roof. However, when he finally made it down and back inside, he realized that much of the ceiling had been shaken loose. I'm not sure what the weight limit of a trailer roof is but I think it's safe to say it was gloriously exceeded.

Fifteen?

So we went to Red Robin after church last Sunday with most of the FatGuy contingent (along with all of us SKINNY girls. ;-) We told them a table for 15, which was the actual number of people that we had. Alas, we neglected to mention that with the group bulk taken into account, we would need more actual SPACE than 15 dinky chairs. The FatGuys were quite proud of the fact that we spread to an additional table to accomodate our collective roominess.

don't give that man a cart...

The event of Matt's moving into the official FatGuy household has, in addition to further stressing the floorboards, provided ample Fatness opportunities. First to arrive in his room was his very own, brand new dorm size fridge. This fridge has a lock and key, apparently to keep me from stealing chilled Nutty Bars. (right....) He also has a new, large dresser that is half for clothes and half for food. I know, it's not truly FatGuy unless the whole thing is for food... but we're making an attempt here.

What's the first thing a FatGuy does with a new fridge and dresser drawers? Fill them with food, of course! Matt Justin, and many bags came traipsing through the door after apparently pillaging Kroger. I'm imagining that the stockpeople had quite a busy night refilling all the empty shelf spaces. Needless to say, Matt's fridge and dresser drawers (not to mention my chest freezer) are busting at the seams. The FatGuys will be all set in case Hurricane Maria decides to veer off course and hit Michigan.

Alabama Represents

The mecca of FatGuys is now officially Alabama, according to this report from our Southern chapter. We're poud of y'all! Keep up the good ... ummm... work might be too strong of a word here...

International Fat Appreciation

This photo is from one of my favorite websites ever: engrish.com. The best part is I bet this t-shirt probably only comes sized up to an Asian XL, which would be ultra-skin tight on any self respecting FatGuy who managed to get it over his head!

FatGuy of the Week (and a half)

Scott definitely wins this award for the amazing feat of gaining 10 pounds in a week and a half! He's made his brother quite jealous in the process; Garrett tries SO hard but is plagued by that evil disease called metabolism. Perhaps he will be smiled upon one day in the future with the blessings of middle-age spread. Hang in there buddy!

Fat Floats... the continuing saga

There really is nothing quite like swimming with FatGuys. I don't think there are any other situations so rife with opportunity for fat appreciation. Add a diving board and water slide into the mix and it just enhances the unique experience.

In an ecologically-minded effort to raise lake levels, Scott performed the FatGuy Wave for us. It went something like, "You wanna see a Fat Guy wave?" followed by a thunderous cannonball off of the diving board while waving, of course. Physics was never so much fun. Of course, newfound fatness has its perils, as Matt discovered while surface diving. His belly is several inches closer to the surface than it was when he learned his rescue diving techniques, so he met the aforementioned surface a bit flatter and sooner than anticiapted. Ouch.

The crowning glory on our evening of fat frolicking was conquering the water slide. It rocked perilously from side to side as the ladder was climbed, and it took several scoots from each FatGuy to get started on the descent as their bootys were wedged pretty tightly between the sides. The landing splashes were well worth the effort, however, as anyone standing nearby got thoroughly drenched. The moral of this story is... if you want a recipie for the ultimate water adventure, FatGuys are the essential ingredient!

Fat Fiction

Justin suggested last night that we put out a call for Fat Fiction. If anyone is feeling like doing some hefty creative writing, please feel free to send it along and I will introduce it to that dubious world of instant internet publishing which is the blog. Truthful and/or fanciful anecdotes are all welcome, as long as they extol the wonders of FatGuy-dom and are suitable for all who may peruse.

Hope for Tim

Poor Tim, all skinny and buff... one of those exercising, sporty types. Even his diet of all frozen potato-based products and bratwurst has failed to produce an ounce of fat on him anywhere. With such a bleak outlook, we had lost all hope of Tim ever joining the FatGuy club. However, a shining spark of hope has been lit. Now that Jerri is here, Tim is learning that he will have to not only finish his dinner but her leftovers as well. Now if we can just manage to restrain him from climbing anything or running anywhere, we might just be able to get those extra calories to take hold!

extreme home makeover

Due to the previously reported demise of our dining room chairs (and the fact that nothing matched anymore) Justin and I decided to purchase a new dining set. I'm not quite sure what the sharky salesmen thought when they observed us sitting on the chairs and bouncing up and down to determine their degree of FatGuy friendliness. I'm sure "you break it, you bought it" ran through their minds several times. Anyhow, we finally selled on a sturdy, padded set that should keep all the FatGuy bootys safe from crashing through for years and pounds to come. Leave it to Value City!

Local flavor

Matt sampling the local cuisine (naturally) and archaic fire apparatus in Watch Hill, RI.

That's Hot....

Here are some recent pics of our members. The first is me with TJ, the second is Matt and Andy proudly displaying their bulk at LifeWay, and the third is... well, maybe one day they will get fat enough to play this guitar, but in the meantime Matt's horizontal stripes unfortunately aren't doing much to accentuate his gut.

Beached Whales

We just got back from a weekend full of FatGuy bliss. Not only did we all get to chow down on my mom's home cooking but we also got to have a kosher breakfast of bagels and lox and cream cheese, and a dinner of not-so-kosher lobster and steamers. The highlight of the weekend was DEFINITELY the sights, however. FatGuys in the pool, displacing the water... FatGuys on the beach... FatGuys in all their glory. My particular favorite was watching Matt chase Justin around the pool trying to get him to jump in. After that we were treated to Matt singing "Can't Touch This" and doing a jiggly dance. I even gave in and did a FatChick dive for the Guys' enjoyment. However, we were not brave enough to get pictures, so the FatGuy frolicking will have to live on in blog format.

Not quite the Arby's guy...

This picture reminded me of the Arby's commerical where the guy has the Arby's hat floating over his head. Not quite the same, but it definitely shows that food is always on a FatGuy's mind...

Mexi-Gut

Last night we had just finished watcing a Mercy Me concert... the band fronted by the most awesome FatGuy rock star ever, Bart Millard. Having left at about midnight, the urge to run (or drive) for the border came upon us as we passed an open Taco Bell. As Justin pulled up to the drive-thru box and began ordering, the inevitable question was asked... "Tacos hard or soft?" Before Justin could reply, Matt chimed in with "Soft... like my belly." The poor drive thru attendant had to put us on hold while she snorted with laughter. Of course being so late at night we were giggling uncontrollably as well. It was just the thing to top off our evening of fat fair food and fine music.

Divine Dunlap

Matt is quite proud of himself for perfecting the art of the "Dunlap Tuck." His napkin no longer slides off of his lap because he can tuck the edge of it underneath his ample spare tire. That napkin's not going ANYwhere. Who knew that fatness could even improve one's table manners.

Man-Planet

The Weeky World News is famous for its wonderfully outlandish FatGuy stories. I had to give in and buy one a few weeks ago at K-Mart when I was sucked in at the checkout line by the cover story... "World's Fattest People." That made for random shouts of "Holy crap, dude!!!" from the bathroom for a few days. Justin sent along this gem today for our perusal.

Traffic stopper

Apparently Thailand needs to be schooled on the appreciation of the Fat Guy. For some reason they don't think Fat Guys look good directing traffic... read here... but think about it, what stops traffic better than a nicely uniformed, highly visible Fat Guy? They are missing out on a valuable resource if you ask me.

New pledge pulling his weight

For a skinny guy, Robert is taking huge bites toward fatness. He had his first moment worthy of Fat Guy documentation last Friday night when he was interrupted from eating to be taken out to dinner. His future as a Fat Guy is looming large!

Aspartame Blasphemy

Another incident of this past month that is worthy of recording is the dirty trick that was played on Matt by his mom, who is needlessly alarmed at his expanding waistline. Actually it's Justin's waistline that's expanding and Matt's booty, if we want to be specific. But back to the story. Matt was leisurely working on a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper. He strayed away, and came back to take a swig, and was rudely shocked by a mouthful of Diet Coke. The Dr. Pepper had been surreptitiously replaced with an aspartame-laden substitute. Needless to say, that Fat Guy was none too happy.

Two down, two to go.

Previously I reported that Matt had gloriously busted one of our new dining room chairs. Not to be outdone, Justin has since decimated a second. As he was leaning back, he suddenly pitched over with a loud crack and the chair was in about four different pieces. It was quite hilarious... luckily Justin was OK as all that cushioning protected him. Needless to say I was quite proud of my husband at that moment. However, I am keeping a sharp eye on the two remaining chairs... the rest of us have to have something to sit on!

National Convention

I must say those Fat Guys are contagious. I've had quite the streak of laziness here with the blog. Now that I've seen the bulk (and I mean bulk) of the Guys off on their trip to Nashville and the National Beta Iota Gamma convention, I have a few updates to post. Matt called at lunchtime to let me know that after months of Michigan deprivation, he, Justin, and Andy were feasting upon the manna of Sonic, with cheeseburgers, tater tots, and cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper galore. It is really making me crave one of those coconut cream pie shakes. Oy.

Big Elvis

This dude is awesome. Apparently this photo was taken in a Las Vegas parade and the guy is appropriately known as "Big Elvis." Photo from CNN.

Episode III : Revenge of the Fat Guys

The phenomenon of Star Wars affects our inner psyches in different ways. For a Fat Guy, that desire to be an all-powerful Jedi knight can take some interesting twists and turns. For example, Matt had a dream the other night that the Fat Guy Jedis were battling the evil Skinny Guys (represented by Steve.) In order to prevent excessive movement, the Fat Guys were standing back to back in an immovable fortress formation and would toss the light saber between themselves to defend the corresponding flanks. Apparently the Skinny Guys weapon of choice was a health shake, which was thrown at the Fat Guys and destroyed with the light saber. The Fat Guys then threw milkshakes back at the Skinny Guys.
Sometimes, one can only be awestruck by the manifestations of Fatness that ooze forth from the brains of our illustrious members.

UPDATE 5/24: Apparently the food of choice is cheese today. Justin and Matt are now referring to themselves as Obese-Wan Kenobi and his Fatawan Learner, respectively.

born with a plastic spoon in his mouth

The Chop Card is apparently platinum plus with no limits, as I discovered Sunday night when I observed Matt being literally spoon-fed the remains of Lynn's taco salad. Pity he had to expend the energy to move his jaw muscles for the mastication process. Homemade chocolate pies seem to magically materialize in his presence as well. The powers of the Card are formidable.

How do you get a Fat Guy to exercise?

Drive an ice cream truck past the house without stopping... that is the first time I have seen Rich run anywhere. He missed the truck too so all that calorie-burning was in vain. He had to settle for an ice cream sandwich from the freezer.

One down, three to go

We seem to have a problem keeping dining room chairs intact at our house. We just got four different ones becuase our old ones were falling apart, but now we are down to three again after Matt plunked his J-Lo jiggler down on one yesterday and nearly fell through the middle. He was pretty proud of himself but didn't sit down again for a little while.

Packing Burrito

Look out when a Fat Guy brings his lunch to school, things can turn lethal (and I'm not talking about the aftereffects of the beans in this big ol' burrito either!) I'm not sure if this kid was a skinny feller or not, but he is definitely a Fat Guy at heart. Read all about it.

A Beauty from Bartlesville

This mouthwatering (or stomach-churning) creation is Justin's favorite: a world-famous Murphy's Hot Hamburger from Murphy's Steakhouse in Bartlesville, Oklahoma. It starts from the bottom up with two slabs of buttery texas toast , then a big sirloin patty, then a mound of fries, and then all of the above drowned in brown gravy. This particular specimen was transported from Bartlesville to Fort Gibson by Justin's grandma Ruby and reassembled for his pure Fat Guy delight. He has tried to figure out a way to have one FedEx'ed to him up here in Michigan but that plan hasn't come to fruition yet. The first photo is the famous Murphy's, home of the Hambuger. Notice the eloquent, distinctively Oklamahanian name of the gas station in the background.

fat camp

This evening was ushered in by Andy and Matt in repose on the love seat, drinking a homemeade strawberry milkshake infused with whipping cream and eating my chocolate chip cookies. As they munched, they took in a lovely, inspiring story about fat camp and the underground food runners bringing treats to the poor starving inmates. This is a tasty read full of corpulent imagery; y'all should check it out if you can manage to move the mouse.

Road trip!

I believe Pennsylvania will be the destination of choice for the next Fat Guys' road trip. Read here about the largest burger offered in the world. I personally think the mayo is the crowning glory.

UPDATE 5/4... there is even a video about this one!

Better than yours

In a successful bid to bring all the boys from the basement, Justin purchased a milkshake maker last night. Nevermind the fact that there is already plenty of shake to go around in this household, I'm surprised the foundation hasn't cracked yet

brownies.... umm, tasty....

After TJ brought me brownies last week that he made himself, my heart softened and i revoked his cookie probation status. However, I was not aware of the truly Fat Guy origins of those innocent looking brownies. As I was returning the empty brownie container to TJ, Amy happened to see it and comment "Were those the brownies that you were making in your underwear the other night?" Gotta love your sisters guys.

Getting regular

Matt reports with great excitement this morning that he and Justin got recognized at the local Krispy Kreme store, a badge of Fat Guy honor. Apparently the KK worker remembered that Matt always asks for strawberry milk and she always tells him that they don't have any. This incident underlines the fact that you can always spot a Fat Guy not only by his impressive girth but also by his one-track mind. His inability to comprehend why a holy place such as Krispy Kreme would not have such a Fat Guy friendly item as strawberry milk is quite understandable when you look at it that way.

Boxes are the devil

According to TJ, to-go boxes at restaurants are "the devil." Thanks to this revelation, we are at last aware of Satan's insidious disguise. Any suggestion that Fat Guys might not finish all of the food set before them is truly a recipie for disaster.

Bigger In Texas

For our picture of the day, I thought I would induce some drool with the gargantuan plate of onion rings direct from Nacogdoches, TX.

FatGuys apparently not buying enough Krispy Kremes

Stacey has recently sent this report detailing another chapter in the disturbing demise of the Krispy Kreme enterprise. Apparently Fat Guys need to kick it back into gear and buy more KK's or else they are in danger of losing a chief form of Fat Guy sustenance! Click here to read the latest.

Skinniness Overrated - Scientifically Proven

At last, fat-maligners everywhere have admitted that skinny is not all it's cracked up to be! Read here for the whole story. Finally science is tipping the scales in the Fat Guys' favor. (That takes a heck of a lot of science, by the way.)

Fat Finality

One of Matt's most famous flights of fancy involves having a specially constructed casket at his funeral with a big bump in the lid to accommodate his belly. Morose, yes, but apparently not as far from possibility as once fancied. ABC has an article today (here) about the demand for supersized caskets. An affirmation that Fat Guys, indeed, are taking over not only this world but the hereafter as well! I wonder if Peter is widening the Pearly Gates to accommodate our members.

TJ Desperate for Cookies

TJ has been sinking to new, pathetic depths to try and get his cookie priveleges reinstated. He is perfecting the art of making puppy eyes and complaining that his elbow hurts. He is even trying to pull the Chop card by proxy and get Matt to ask me to make cookies. I think the exact line I heard was, "My friend is in pain, he needs some cookies." Nice try guys. If y'all are reading the blog I'll give you a heads up... I need to make them next Monday night for a party on Tuesday. If you are there MAYBE a double batch can be in the works...

Portrait in Kreme

Enjoying his just desserts is our president of the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma, and sender of the Fat Tchotchke (along with his lovely wife who is not pictured!)

FatGuy Fan Mail

The Fat Guys received their first ever piece of mail this weekend. A beautifully decorated package emblazoned with stickers of donuts, pizza, cinnamon rolls, etc. arrived addressed to the Fat Guys. In it was our first Fat Tchotchke, a lovely trivet with the motto "As for me and my house, we will serve the couch." Quite appropriate, and thanks to the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma for passing that on to us! Of course I had to be the one to bring the pagckage and a knife into the living room and set the trivet out on display since the members of the Club were too busy serving the couch. They had a good view of the spectacle though.

Sumo Envy

For the record, Justin used sumo wrestlers as an analogy in his sermon yesterday morning. We should hunker down, get ready, and let the world come at us. A shameless plug for spiritual fatness, and a sign that the Fat Guys seek to be as well-rounded in their heftiness as possible!

Matt vs. Famous Dave's BBQ

One of the jewels in the crown of Fat Guy achievement is Matt's heroic consumption at Famous Dave's Barbecue on Andy's birthday. It was truly a night no one will ever forget, a Fat Guy's wildest dream come true. After making the hour-plus pilgiramge from Lansing to Grand Rapids, we arrived just in time for Matt to use his EMT skills in helping a lady who wasn't feeling well and had called an ambulance. The Fat Guys benefited from Matt's selflessness by all receiving a boost up the wait list. The night continued to improve from there. As the Fat Guys (and some of us girls too) waited eagerly for their extra-large portions to arrive, the order got mixed up, and by divine intervention Matt ended up with TWO full-size orders. Mounds of rib tips slathered in sauce, complete with double helpings of all the fixins. I made the fatal mistake of suggesting a to go box. It was all over from that point. In an unparallelled display of Fat Guy valor, Matt stripped down to his t-shirt, unbuckled his belt, stuck a napkin in his collar, and went to town. We were all mesmerized with his voracious devouring of pounds of cow, wresting the meat from the bone with a relish and tossing the remains aside. Hands splattered with Sweet and Sassy spoils of barbecue sauce, he paused for a moment and then dove into the fixins. When it was all over, I ceremonially placed a napkin over the glistening mound of bones and fat and asked the waitress to give it a decent burial. Altogether Matt managed to consume about three pounds of meat plus two helpings of baked beans (which those of us riding in the car with him discouraged to no avail) and nearly everything else on the plates. As he was reclining in stupor after the feat was completed, the waitress came up and put the veritable cherry on top of the sundae. His Fat Guy evening was capped by the presentation of a gift certificate for a free dinner for four, due to his helping the lady earlier in the evening. I won't go into detail about the pain Matt (and the rest of us) were in on the ride home and how he remained motionless on the couch for quite a while after our return. But I will say that such an achievement elevated him to Superior Fat Guy status for quite a while.

Treachery!!!

Fat Guys everywhere have been betrayed! Those healthy people have brainwashed Cookie Monster. Read all about it here. Poor Cookie's purpose in life, unabashed gluttony, is being thwarted by the veggie-waving, sugar-and-fat-bashing, exercising.... well, you get the point. It's all part of a vast left-wing conspiracy led by miserably skinny people waging war against our lipids. Fat Guys across America, stand up for Cookie and fight anti-FatGuy discrimination! (oh, except standing up might burn calories...)

Photo Tryout

Trying out a picture. Most of you have seen this, but for those who haven't, this is the fat guy's view of St. Louis, MO. Taken after Justin, Andy and I hit the last Krispy Kreme before leaving the South after Stephen and Stacey's wedding. That was before one opened in Lansing, bless their overworked hearts!

An historic moment

I thought that today I would reach into the Fat Guy archives for a truly historic tale. One of my favorites was the use of Chelsea the dog as a courier. Since it is strenuous exercise to raise one's fatness off of the loveseat and cross the living room to the chair, a true Fat Guy must always use an alternate method in such situations rather than risk losing an ounce of his girth. While Matt was reclining comfortably on the love seat, Justin, in the chair, asked him for some papers. One can see the problem that presented itself. Fortunately, Chelsea was frisking around as usual (in contrast to the other members of our household) and Matt managed to call her over, roll up the papers and stick them under her collar, and then had Justin call her to the chair. She covered the endless six-foot stretch with great ease, thus saving the Fat Guys from any unnecessary movement or decrease in status. The moral of the story: Every Fat Guy needs a dog.

Exercise Divinely Thwarted

Tonight when I got home from class, I asked Justin to come on a walk with me around the 'hood. Too bad he had dinner on the stove. He said he would go when I got back. Of course, as soon as I got back and he put his shoes on, Matt suddenly got Fat Guy ESP and just HAPPENED to cause Justin's cellphone to ring. And of course, as soon as Matt hung up, the Holy Spirit prompted Max to call. Needless to say, it is now dark and Justin has removed his shoes and transported his largeness back to the couch to watch the Spartan women's basketball team exercise in his stead.

Rich Breaks 40

Congratulations to Rich for the first Fat Guy event posting. We are all proud of him for buying his first pair of 40 waist pants today! A former skinny dude at a pathetic size 34, he proudly popped the button on his work pants and his expansion is notable due to his exceptional bypassing of sizes 36 AND 38 in one shot. Congratulations Rich, you are the Fat Guy of the week!

Welcome

Welcome to the official blog of the Fat Guy Club. I promised the Guys I'd get one of these started to record all of the Fat Guy antics and achievements, including those that lead to the presitigous award of Fat Guy of the Week. I think that title is currently held by TJ for his poetic creation "Ode to Fried Food on Pizza" which was consumed with love at the Oodles of Noodles Buffet. Hopefully the creation of this blog will initiate the long-ruminated Fat Guy Club website, with lots of photos documenting the gastronomic conquests of the formidable Fat Guys.