Getting regular

Matt reports with great excitement this morning that he and Justin got recognized at the local Krispy Kreme store, a badge of Fat Guy honor. Apparently the KK worker remembered that Matt always asks for strawberry milk and she always tells him that they don't have any. This incident underlines the fact that you can always spot a Fat Guy not only by his impressive girth but also by his one-track mind. His inability to comprehend why a holy place such as Krispy Kreme would not have such a Fat Guy friendly item as strawberry milk is quite understandable when you look at it that way.

Boxes are the devil

According to TJ, to-go boxes at restaurants are "the devil." Thanks to this revelation, we are at last aware of Satan's insidious disguise. Any suggestion that Fat Guys might not finish all of the food set before them is truly a recipie for disaster.

Bigger In Texas

For our picture of the day, I thought I would induce some drool with the gargantuan plate of onion rings direct from Nacogdoches, TX.

FatGuys apparently not buying enough Krispy Kremes

Stacey has recently sent this report detailing another chapter in the disturbing demise of the Krispy Kreme enterprise. Apparently Fat Guys need to kick it back into gear and buy more KK's or else they are in danger of losing a chief form of Fat Guy sustenance! Click here to read the latest.

Skinniness Overrated - Scientifically Proven

At last, fat-maligners everywhere have admitted that skinny is not all it's cracked up to be! Read here for the whole story. Finally science is tipping the scales in the Fat Guys' favor. (That takes a heck of a lot of science, by the way.)

Fat Finality

One of Matt's most famous flights of fancy involves having a specially constructed casket at his funeral with a big bump in the lid to accommodate his belly. Morose, yes, but apparently not as far from possibility as once fancied. ABC has an article today (here) about the demand for supersized caskets. An affirmation that Fat Guys, indeed, are taking over not only this world but the hereafter as well! I wonder if Peter is widening the Pearly Gates to accommodate our members.

TJ Desperate for Cookies

TJ has been sinking to new, pathetic depths to try and get his cookie priveleges reinstated. He is perfecting the art of making puppy eyes and complaining that his elbow hurts. He is even trying to pull the Chop card by proxy and get Matt to ask me to make cookies. I think the exact line I heard was, "My friend is in pain, he needs some cookies." Nice try guys. If y'all are reading the blog I'll give you a heads up... I need to make them next Monday night for a party on Tuesday. If you are there MAYBE a double batch can be in the works...

Portrait in Kreme

Enjoying his just desserts is our president of the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma, and sender of the Fat Tchotchke (along with his lovely wife who is not pictured!)

FatGuy Fan Mail

The Fat Guys received their first ever piece of mail this weekend. A beautifully decorated package emblazoned with stickers of donuts, pizza, cinnamon rolls, etc. arrived addressed to the Fat Guys. In it was our first Fat Tchotchke, a lovely trivet with the motto "As for me and my house, we will serve the couch." Quite appropriate, and thanks to the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma for passing that on to us! Of course I had to be the one to bring the pagckage and a knife into the living room and set the trivet out on display since the members of the Club were too busy serving the couch. They had a good view of the spectacle though.

Sumo Envy

For the record, Justin used sumo wrestlers as an analogy in his sermon yesterday morning. We should hunker down, get ready, and let the world come at us. A shameless plug for spiritual fatness, and a sign that the Fat Guys seek to be as well-rounded in their heftiness as possible!

Matt vs. Famous Dave's BBQ

One of the jewels in the crown of Fat Guy achievement is Matt's heroic consumption at Famous Dave's Barbecue on Andy's birthday. It was truly a night no one will ever forget, a Fat Guy's wildest dream come true. After making the hour-plus pilgiramge from Lansing to Grand Rapids, we arrived just in time for Matt to use his EMT skills in helping a lady who wasn't feeling well and had called an ambulance. The Fat Guys benefited from Matt's selflessness by all receiving a boost up the wait list. The night continued to improve from there. As the Fat Guys (and some of us girls too) waited eagerly for their extra-large portions to arrive, the order got mixed up, and by divine intervention Matt ended up with TWO full-size orders. Mounds of rib tips slathered in sauce, complete with double helpings of all the fixins. I made the fatal mistake of suggesting a to go box. It was all over from that point. In an unparallelled display of Fat Guy valor, Matt stripped down to his t-shirt, unbuckled his belt, stuck a napkin in his collar, and went to town. We were all mesmerized with his voracious devouring of pounds of cow, wresting the meat from the bone with a relish and tossing the remains aside. Hands splattered with Sweet and Sassy spoils of barbecue sauce, he paused for a moment and then dove into the fixins. When it was all over, I ceremonially placed a napkin over the glistening mound of bones and fat and asked the waitress to give it a decent burial. Altogether Matt managed to consume about three pounds of meat plus two helpings of baked beans (which those of us riding in the car with him discouraged to no avail) and nearly everything else on the plates. As he was reclining in stupor after the feat was completed, the waitress came up and put the veritable cherry on top of the sundae. His Fat Guy evening was capped by the presentation of a gift certificate for a free dinner for four, due to his helping the lady earlier in the evening. I won't go into detail about the pain Matt (and the rest of us) were in on the ride home and how he remained motionless on the couch for quite a while after our return. But I will say that such an achievement elevated him to Superior Fat Guy status for quite a while.

Treachery!!!

Fat Guys everywhere have been betrayed! Those healthy people have brainwashed Cookie Monster. Read all about it here. Poor Cookie's purpose in life, unabashed gluttony, is being thwarted by the veggie-waving, sugar-and-fat-bashing, exercising.... well, you get the point. It's all part of a vast left-wing conspiracy led by miserably skinny people waging war against our lipids. Fat Guys across America, stand up for Cookie and fight anti-FatGuy discrimination! (oh, except standing up might burn calories...)

Photo Tryout

Trying out a picture. Most of you have seen this, but for those who haven't, this is the fat guy's view of St. Louis, MO. Taken after Justin, Andy and I hit the last Krispy Kreme before leaving the South after Stephen and Stacey's wedding. That was before one opened in Lansing, bless their overworked hearts!

An historic moment

I thought that today I would reach into the Fat Guy archives for a truly historic tale. One of my favorites was the use of Chelsea the dog as a courier. Since it is strenuous exercise to raise one's fatness off of the loveseat and cross the living room to the chair, a true Fat Guy must always use an alternate method in such situations rather than risk losing an ounce of his girth. While Matt was reclining comfortably on the love seat, Justin, in the chair, asked him for some papers. One can see the problem that presented itself. Fortunately, Chelsea was frisking around as usual (in contrast to the other members of our household) and Matt managed to call her over, roll up the papers and stick them under her collar, and then had Justin call her to the chair. She covered the endless six-foot stretch with great ease, thus saving the Fat Guys from any unnecessary movement or decrease in status. The moral of the story: Every Fat Guy needs a dog.

Exercise Divinely Thwarted

Tonight when I got home from class, I asked Justin to come on a walk with me around the 'hood. Too bad he had dinner on the stove. He said he would go when I got back. Of course, as soon as I got back and he put his shoes on, Matt suddenly got Fat Guy ESP and just HAPPENED to cause Justin's cellphone to ring. And of course, as soon as Matt hung up, the Holy Spirit prompted Max to call. Needless to say, it is now dark and Justin has removed his shoes and transported his largeness back to the couch to watch the Spartan women's basketball team exercise in his stead.

Rich Breaks 40

Congratulations to Rich for the first Fat Guy event posting. We are all proud of him for buying his first pair of 40 waist pants today! A former skinny dude at a pathetic size 34, he proudly popped the button on his work pants and his expansion is notable due to his exceptional bypassing of sizes 36 AND 38 in one shot. Congratulations Rich, you are the Fat Guy of the week!

Welcome

Welcome to the official blog of the Fat Guy Club. I promised the Guys I'd get one of these started to record all of the Fat Guy antics and achievements, including those that lead to the presitigous award of Fat Guy of the Week. I think that title is currently held by TJ for his poetic creation "Ode to Fried Food on Pizza" which was consumed with love at the Oodles of Noodles Buffet. Hopefully the creation of this blog will initiate the long-ruminated Fat Guy Club website, with lots of photos documenting the gastronomic conquests of the formidable Fat Guys.