Bigger Better Blog

Welcome to the BIGGER and BETTER home of the FatGuyBlog! Please don't let the juicy burger cause you to drool on your keyboard, because you'll be needing it. I'm going to set up some of you charter members as contributors so you'll be able to post as well. Hope the new environment is roomy enough! I am still fooling with the pictures so please bear with me.

Rita Report

Here are the very important FatGuy highlights from Stephen's latest report on Hurricane Rita. What better place to be stranded than Nacogdoches, TX... birthplace of the Fat Guy Club. It was at these selfsame venues that the few extra pounds that finally pushed Justin over the edge were obtained. Guys, hope you can taste the memories...

"We get breakfast at McDonalds..."

"We finally get everyone together and go to lunch at Clear Springs (the place where Stacey and I had our rehearsal dinner) and the onion rings settled our hunger quickly. Due to the oppressive heat, upper 90’s, we do not get in any hurry to eat our dinner and leave the air conditioning, the cold soft drinks and hot cooked meals."

"Stacey and I sit in line at a Church’s Fried Chicken for 30 minutes in order to bring back some fried chicken to her parents for dinner ..."

"...Next, I came back to change and meet up with the family again and we head to my favorite place in Nacogdoches – Butcher Boys for a nice 1/3 lb bacon cheeseburger. Fortunately, they let evacuees have their food ½ price and this also helped out our family."

"We return to town had a relaxing dinner a La Carreta ..."

"...We were sitting on the porch in our own pools of sweat and I notice he’s sitting there with sweat pouring off him and he had the leaf blower sitting beside him. Next, I notice he has this mischievous twinkle in his eye like he’s about to do something coy or silly. He looks at the fan (a standard ceiling fan run by electricity) and looks at his leaf blower. Next thing you know, he cranks the leaf blower, aims it towards the fan and the blades of the fan start rotating...momentary relief."

new recruit

The FatGuys warmly welcomed a new member into their fold(s) yesterday. After experiencing fat "non-appreciation" from his fiancee (who otherwise seems like a very nice girl) he found solace in the sturdy companionship of the FatGuys and affirmation in their continual celebration of all things obese. Hopefully his fiancee will come to see the light of the glory of Fatness as well... when that light isn't blocked out...

moving experience

It was suggested last night that we replace our five steps going up to the second level with an escalator. Apparently the climb is far too strenuous for some members of our household. In a similar flight of fancy, a people-mover was suggested for the 25 yard-or-so "commute" from the house to the church. All this while sucking down a bottle of Easy Cheese on Ritz crackers. Nothing like food for inspiration...

the roof, the roof.... the roof is falling down!

Matt generously offered to paint and seal his mom's roof this weekend. As with many other tasks, the last time this was performed was when Matt was but a shadow of his current self. After some interesting maneuvers to get up on the roof without a ladder, which included nearly breaking his door handle by standing on it, he managed to hoist his largeness up and proceed to fix the roof. However, when he finally made it down and back inside, he realized that much of the ceiling had been shaken loose. I'm not sure what the weight limit of a trailer roof is but I think it's safe to say it was gloriously exceeded.

Fifteen?

So we went to Red Robin after church last Sunday with most of the FatGuy contingent (along with all of us SKINNY girls. ;-) We told them a table for 15, which was the actual number of people that we had. Alas, we neglected to mention that with the group bulk taken into account, we would need more actual SPACE than 15 dinky chairs. The FatGuys were quite proud of the fact that we spread to an additional table to accomodate our collective roominess.

don't give that man a cart...

The event of Matt's moving into the official FatGuy household has, in addition to further stressing the floorboards, provided ample Fatness opportunities. First to arrive in his room was his very own, brand new dorm size fridge. This fridge has a lock and key, apparently to keep me from stealing chilled Nutty Bars. (right....) He also has a new, large dresser that is half for clothes and half for food. I know, it's not truly FatGuy unless the whole thing is for food... but we're making an attempt here.

What's the first thing a FatGuy does with a new fridge and dresser drawers? Fill them with food, of course! Matt Justin, and many bags came traipsing through the door after apparently pillaging Kroger. I'm imagining that the stockpeople had quite a busy night refilling all the empty shelf spaces. Needless to say, Matt's fridge and dresser drawers (not to mention my chest freezer) are busting at the seams. The FatGuys will be all set in case Hurricane Maria decides to veer off course and hit Michigan.

Alabama Represents

The mecca of FatGuys is now officially Alabama, according to this report from our Southern chapter. We're poud of y'all! Keep up the good ... ummm... work might be too strong of a word here...

International Fat Appreciation

This photo is from one of my favorite websites ever: engrish.com. The best part is I bet this t-shirt probably only comes sized up to an Asian XL, which would be ultra-skin tight on any self respecting FatGuy who managed to get it over his head!

FatGuy of the Week (and a half)

Scott definitely wins this award for the amazing feat of gaining 10 pounds in a week and a half! He's made his brother quite jealous in the process; Garrett tries SO hard but is plagued by that evil disease called metabolism. Perhaps he will be smiled upon one day in the future with the blessings of middle-age spread. Hang in there buddy!

Fat Floats... the continuing saga

There really is nothing quite like swimming with FatGuys. I don't think there are any other situations so rife with opportunity for fat appreciation. Add a diving board and water slide into the mix and it just enhances the unique experience.

In an ecologically-minded effort to raise lake levels, Scott performed the FatGuy Wave for us. It went something like, "You wanna see a Fat Guy wave?" followed by a thunderous cannonball off of the diving board while waving, of course. Physics was never so much fun. Of course, newfound fatness has its perils, as Matt discovered while surface diving. His belly is several inches closer to the surface than it was when he learned his rescue diving techniques, so he met the aforementioned surface a bit flatter and sooner than anticiapted. Ouch.

The crowning glory on our evening of fat frolicking was conquering the water slide. It rocked perilously from side to side as the ladder was climbed, and it took several scoots from each FatGuy to get started on the descent as their bootys were wedged pretty tightly between the sides. The landing splashes were well worth the effort, however, as anyone standing nearby got thoroughly drenched. The moral of this story is... if you want a recipie for the ultimate water adventure, FatGuys are the essential ingredient!

Fat Fiction

Justin suggested last night that we put out a call for Fat Fiction. If anyone is feeling like doing some hefty creative writing, please feel free to send it along and I will introduce it to that dubious world of instant internet publishing which is the blog. Truthful and/or fanciful anecdotes are all welcome, as long as they extol the wonders of FatGuy-dom and are suitable for all who may peruse.

Hope for Tim

Poor Tim, all skinny and buff... one of those exercising, sporty types. Even his diet of all frozen potato-based products and bratwurst has failed to produce an ounce of fat on him anywhere. With such a bleak outlook, we had lost all hope of Tim ever joining the FatGuy club. However, a shining spark of hope has been lit. Now that Jerri is here, Tim is learning that he will have to not only finish his dinner but her leftovers as well. Now if we can just manage to restrain him from climbing anything or running anywhere, we might just be able to get those extra calories to take hold!

extreme home makeover

Due to the previously reported demise of our dining room chairs (and the fact that nothing matched anymore) Justin and I decided to purchase a new dining set. I'm not quite sure what the sharky salesmen thought when they observed us sitting on the chairs and bouncing up and down to determine their degree of FatGuy friendliness. I'm sure "you break it, you bought it" ran through their minds several times. Anyhow, we finally selled on a sturdy, padded set that should keep all the FatGuy bootys safe from crashing through for years and pounds to come. Leave it to Value City!

Local flavor

Matt sampling the local cuisine (naturally) and archaic fire apparatus in Watch Hill, RI.

That's Hot....

Here are some recent pics of our members. The first is me with TJ, the second is Matt and Andy proudly displaying their bulk at LifeWay, and the third is... well, maybe one day they will get fat enough to play this guitar, but in the meantime Matt's horizontal stripes unfortunately aren't doing much to accentuate his gut.

Beached Whales

We just got back from a weekend full of FatGuy bliss. Not only did we all get to chow down on my mom's home cooking but we also got to have a kosher breakfast of bagels and lox and cream cheese, and a dinner of not-so-kosher lobster and steamers. The highlight of the weekend was DEFINITELY the sights, however. FatGuys in the pool, displacing the water... FatGuys on the beach... FatGuys in all their glory. My particular favorite was watching Matt chase Justin around the pool trying to get him to jump in. After that we were treated to Matt singing "Can't Touch This" and doing a jiggly dance. I even gave in and did a FatChick dive for the Guys' enjoyment. However, we were not brave enough to get pictures, so the FatGuy frolicking will have to live on in blog format.

Not quite the Arby's guy...

This picture reminded me of the Arby's commerical where the guy has the Arby's hat floating over his head. Not quite the same, but it definitely shows that food is always on a FatGuy's mind...

Mexi-Gut

Last night we had just finished watcing a Mercy Me concert... the band fronted by the most awesome FatGuy rock star ever, Bart Millard. Having left at about midnight, the urge to run (or drive) for the border came upon us as we passed an open Taco Bell. As Justin pulled up to the drive-thru box and began ordering, the inevitable question was asked... "Tacos hard or soft?" Before Justin could reply, Matt chimed in with "Soft... like my belly." The poor drive thru attendant had to put us on hold while she snorted with laughter. Of course being so late at night we were giggling uncontrollably as well. It was just the thing to top off our evening of fat fair food and fine music.

Divine Dunlap

Matt is quite proud of himself for perfecting the art of the "Dunlap Tuck." His napkin no longer slides off of his lap because he can tuck the edge of it underneath his ample spare tire. That napkin's not going ANYwhere. Who knew that fatness could even improve one's table manners.