Big Elvis

This dude is awesome. Apparently this photo was taken in a Las Vegas parade and the guy is appropriately known as "Big Elvis." Photo from CNN.

Episode III : Revenge of the Fat Guys

The phenomenon of Star Wars affects our inner psyches in different ways. For a Fat Guy, that desire to be an all-powerful Jedi knight can take some interesting twists and turns. For example, Matt had a dream the other night that the Fat Guy Jedis were battling the evil Skinny Guys (represented by Steve.) In order to prevent excessive movement, the Fat Guys were standing back to back in an immovable fortress formation and would toss the light saber between themselves to defend the corresponding flanks. Apparently the Skinny Guys weapon of choice was a health shake, which was thrown at the Fat Guys and destroyed with the light saber. The Fat Guys then threw milkshakes back at the Skinny Guys.
Sometimes, one can only be awestruck by the manifestations of Fatness that ooze forth from the brains of our illustrious members.

UPDATE 5/24: Apparently the food of choice is cheese today. Justin and Matt are now referring to themselves as Obese-Wan Kenobi and his Fatawan Learner, respectively.

born with a plastic spoon in his mouth

The Chop Card is apparently platinum plus with no limits, as I discovered Sunday night when I observed Matt being literally spoon-fed the remains of Lynn's taco salad. Pity he had to expend the energy to move his jaw muscles for the mastication process. Homemade chocolate pies seem to magically materialize in his presence as well. The powers of the Card are formidable.

How do you get a Fat Guy to exercise?

Drive an ice cream truck past the house without stopping... that is the first time I have seen Rich run anywhere. He missed the truck too so all that calorie-burning was in vain. He had to settle for an ice cream sandwich from the freezer.

One down, three to go

We seem to have a problem keeping dining room chairs intact at our house. We just got four different ones becuase our old ones were falling apart, but now we are down to three again after Matt plunked his J-Lo jiggler down on one yesterday and nearly fell through the middle. He was pretty proud of himself but didn't sit down again for a little while.

Packing Burrito

Look out when a Fat Guy brings his lunch to school, things can turn lethal (and I'm not talking about the aftereffects of the beans in this big ol' burrito either!) I'm not sure if this kid was a skinny feller or not, but he is definitely a Fat Guy at heart. Read all about it.

A Beauty from Bartlesville

This mouthwatering (or stomach-churning) creation is Justin's favorite: a world-famous Murphy's Hot Hamburger from Murphy's Steakhouse in Bartlesville, Oklahoma. It starts from the bottom up with two slabs of buttery texas toast , then a big sirloin patty, then a mound of fries, and then all of the above drowned in brown gravy. This particular specimen was transported from Bartlesville to Fort Gibson by Justin's grandma Ruby and reassembled for his pure Fat Guy delight. He has tried to figure out a way to have one FedEx'ed to him up here in Michigan but that plan hasn't come to fruition yet. The first photo is the famous Murphy's, home of the Hambuger. Notice the eloquent, distinctively Oklamahanian name of the gas station in the background.

fat camp

This evening was ushered in by Andy and Matt in repose on the love seat, drinking a homemeade strawberry milkshake infused with whipping cream and eating my chocolate chip cookies. As they munched, they took in a lovely, inspiring story about fat camp and the underground food runners bringing treats to the poor starving inmates. This is a tasty read full of corpulent imagery; y'all should check it out if you can manage to move the mouse.

Road trip!

I believe Pennsylvania will be the destination of choice for the next Fat Guys' road trip. Read here about the largest burger offered in the world. I personally think the mayo is the crowning glory.

UPDATE 5/4... there is even a video about this one!

Better than yours

In a successful bid to bring all the boys from the basement, Justin purchased a milkshake maker last night. Nevermind the fact that there is already plenty of shake to go around in this household, I'm surprised the foundation hasn't cracked yet

brownies.... umm, tasty....

After TJ brought me brownies last week that he made himself, my heart softened and i revoked his cookie probation status. However, I was not aware of the truly Fat Guy origins of those innocent looking brownies. As I was returning the empty brownie container to TJ, Amy happened to see it and comment "Were those the brownies that you were making in your underwear the other night?" Gotta love your sisters guys.

Getting regular

Matt reports with great excitement this morning that he and Justin got recognized at the local Krispy Kreme store, a badge of Fat Guy honor. Apparently the KK worker remembered that Matt always asks for strawberry milk and she always tells him that they don't have any. This incident underlines the fact that you can always spot a Fat Guy not only by his impressive girth but also by his one-track mind. His inability to comprehend why a holy place such as Krispy Kreme would not have such a Fat Guy friendly item as strawberry milk is quite understandable when you look at it that way.

Boxes are the devil

According to TJ, to-go boxes at restaurants are "the devil." Thanks to this revelation, we are at last aware of Satan's insidious disguise. Any suggestion that Fat Guys might not finish all of the food set before them is truly a recipie for disaster.

Bigger In Texas

For our picture of the day, I thought I would induce some drool with the gargantuan plate of onion rings direct from Nacogdoches, TX.

FatGuys apparently not buying enough Krispy Kremes

Stacey has recently sent this report detailing another chapter in the disturbing demise of the Krispy Kreme enterprise. Apparently Fat Guys need to kick it back into gear and buy more KK's or else they are in danger of losing a chief form of Fat Guy sustenance! Click here to read the latest.

Skinniness Overrated - Scientifically Proven

At last, fat-maligners everywhere have admitted that skinny is not all it's cracked up to be! Read here for the whole story. Finally science is tipping the scales in the Fat Guys' favor. (That takes a heck of a lot of science, by the way.)

Fat Finality

One of Matt's most famous flights of fancy involves having a specially constructed casket at his funeral with a big bump in the lid to accommodate his belly. Morose, yes, but apparently not as far from possibility as once fancied. ABC has an article today (here) about the demand for supersized caskets. An affirmation that Fat Guys, indeed, are taking over not only this world but the hereafter as well! I wonder if Peter is widening the Pearly Gates to accommodate our members.

TJ Desperate for Cookies

TJ has been sinking to new, pathetic depths to try and get his cookie priveleges reinstated. He is perfecting the art of making puppy eyes and complaining that his elbow hurts. He is even trying to pull the Chop card by proxy and get Matt to ask me to make cookies. I think the exact line I heard was, "My friend is in pain, he needs some cookies." Nice try guys. If y'all are reading the blog I'll give you a heads up... I need to make them next Monday night for a party on Tuesday. If you are there MAYBE a double batch can be in the works...

Portrait in Kreme

Enjoying his just desserts is our president of the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma, and sender of the Fat Tchotchke (along with his lovely wife who is not pictured!)

FatGuy Fan Mail

The Fat Guys received their first ever piece of mail this weekend. A beautifully decorated package emblazoned with stickers of donuts, pizza, cinnamon rolls, etc. arrived addressed to the Fat Guys. In it was our first Fat Tchotchke, a lovely trivet with the motto "As for me and my house, we will serve the couch." Quite appropriate, and thanks to the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma for passing that on to us! Of course I had to be the one to bring the pagckage and a knife into the living room and set the trivet out on display since the members of the Club were too busy serving the couch. They had a good view of the spectacle though.