FatGuyBlog

Dancing Fat Guys

2008-07-23T05:58:00.000-07:00

These guys are just awesome. Chocolate Thunder... Mr. Mantastic.. how can you not love that?
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/07/23/zarrella.marlin.manatee.cnn

Eating - Michigan Fat Boy Style

2008-06-17T14:03:00.000-07:00

During my latest foray into Michigan, I had to hit up some of my favorite eateries. After all, what's a vacation without good eats???

Bob Evans

Red Robin

McDonald's

Fazoli's

Smokey Bones BBQ

Goodfellows Grille

Darrow's

Audies

Mancino's

BD's Mongolian BBQ

Big Boy

Cracker Barrel

Quizno's (What's that? Healthy?)

happy belated Fat Guy Tuesday!

2008-02-07T15:26:00.000-08:00

Hope you all ate plenty of paczki!

brazen buffet bigotry

2008-01-03T13:46:00.001-08:00

Today has been an especially fat guy newsworthy day. Enjoy. -sdm

Published January 3, 2008
[ From LSJ.com ]

La. men say restaurant banned them because they ate too much

Midday update-Associated Press

HOUMA, La. - A 265-pound man says a restaurant overcharged him for his trips to the buffet, then banned him and a relative because of how much they consumed during their visits.

Ricky Labit, a 6-foot-3 disabled offshore worker, said he had been a regular at the Manchuria Restaurant, eating there as often as three times a week. But on his most recent visit, he said a waitress gave him and his wife's cousin, Michael Borrelli, a bill for $46.40, roughly double the buffet price for two adults.

"She says, 'Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much,'" Labit said.

Labit and Borrelli said they felt discriminated against because of their size.

"I was stunned, that somebody would say something like that. I ain't that fat, I only weigh 277," Borrelli said.

Accountant Thomas Campo, who spoke for the restaurant because the owner's English is limited, said the men were charged an extra $10 each on Dec. 21 because they made a habit of dining exclusively on the more expensive seafood dishes, including crab legs and frog legs.

"We have a lot of big people there," Campo said. "We don't discriminate."

The argument over the bill grew heated, and police were called. The police report states that the disagreement was settled when the restaurant said the bill was a mistake and, to appease Labit, the meal was complimentary.

Labit said he insisted on paying but was told not to come back. He complained that when seafood on the buffet line runs out, the restaurant only grudgingly cooks more. Campo said the proprietress tries to reduce waste of quality food.

More proof that bigger is better... from the ladies

2008-01-03T07:58:00.000-08:00

From: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/01/02/pants.on.fire.ap/index.html

XL underwear smothers fire

LONDON, England (AP) -- From baggy briefs to the ultimate hotpants: A British woman's underwear saved the day by doubling as an emergency fire blanket when her kitchen caught fire.

John Marsey and his cousin Darren Lines were frying bread in Jenny Marsey's kitchen in Hartlepool, northeast England, on Sunday when their meal caught fire.

Lines grabbed the nearest thing from a pile of laundry to put it out: his aunt's billowing, powder blue, size XL underpants.

He ran them under the faucet and tossed them onto the flames, successfully smothering the fire, a spokesman for the Cleveland Fire Brigade said, speaking on condition of anonymity in line with department policy.

Lines' swift thinking saved the kitchen -- but left his aunt's underwear slightly scorched.

"It could have been a lot worse," she said. "My family could have been in hospital but the knickers saved the day. I'm just grateful to the boys."

The fire official said the general principle of using a large, wet cloth to cover a grease fire was a sound one.

As for using underwear: "Clearly it depends on what size you are -- but I don't want to go there."

Fat guy

2008-01-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone its bruce......I have succesfully been adopted into the fat guy club. I guess that in order to go to church with Justin I have to be one of the fat guys. Not that I am complaining or anything I really do enjoy eating but I would also like to stay in shape..........kinda. I already had one fat guy experience just before christmas I was at a christmas dinner and I ate so much that I actually had to loosen my belt a notch. Maybe I can have the best of both worlds for a long time and just eat as much as I want to be a member of the fat guys and then run the calories off. ha ha not. I guess I should just accept my fate as being one of the fat guys. Right now I am somewere around 165 pounds and my goal is to stay right around 175 pounds.

Thanksgiving repork

2007-11-27T08:38:00.000-08:00

Hey! Greetings from baconland! Gerrett here, I am at an all time high of 156!!! Justin took me out last week and bought me some size up pants. In true fat guy style my waist is now bigger around than my inseam! I'm now a bigger man for Jesus than I used to be. So when Justin and I went out to eat this morning he challenged me to finish everything on my plate. I'm happy to say I did and even did so before Justin finished his! FAT POWERS ACTIVATE!!! Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving I know I did. I going to have have to stop right here and apologize to all my big boned brothers because I only ate one plate at Thanksgiving. I know, I know and I'm sorry I've let you all down and I plan to do better in the future I promise. Well I got to go and get ready for lunch here I'll keep you all posted on the big gains. Until next time MAY THE PORK BE WITH YOU !!!

mudflap dude...

2007-11-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

One of my coworkers sent me this picture today and it's so awesome that I'm going to have to make a new fatguy blog template based on it. In my "spare time" that is. I wanted you all to enjoy it in the meantime! From http://www.stickergiant.com/page/sg/PROD/funcon/b5059

week 2

2007-11-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

Hey, it's the Baconator again!! Got some juicy news weighin' in at 150!! Starting to get a belly which I've never had in my life. So that's exciting and up-lifting! My wife, Marcie is pregnant, so now we're racing to see who will gain what!!! On Sunday I cooked up a pound and a half of bacon and ate it for a snack. Is there an animal better tasting than pig if there is I've never had it. Well there's a Thanksgiving dinner at the church with my name on it so I got to cut this short. So until the cows come home and taste like bacon, this is Gerrett signing off!!!

Pic of Gerett

2007-11-13T11:32:00.001-08:00

here is a recent photo of gerrett. he recently told me he now weighs 150. that is roughly a 15 pound gain...he is well on his way and we here at the fat guy club are very proud of him!!!

2007-11-02T17:51:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....bacon is there anything better? Hi my name is Gerrett and I'm a new "fat guy" in the making. I've been obsessed with bacon for a while and now with my new found unemployment I am finally able to take that love to a whole new level. I realise that weighing in at 142 does not make me by any means a heavy man, but I'm ready to go the distance. For years I've been a fat guy trapped in a little man's body, but with help from Justin and the Baconator my inner corpulence will shine. My goal is to gain for Jesus 40 lbs. As of now I have grown out of my 30-30 pants and now my 32-30's are uncomfortable. Praise Jesus!!!! I love eating new animals and I'm not big into sweets so if anybody has any new recipes for big gains let me know. So until next time my your bacon never burn.( unles you like it that way!!) --Gerrett

Garett Lawrence

2007-10-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

hey guys!!! this is my first post to the fat guy blog. i wanna tell you about a growing development :) Garrett Lawrence is the newest member to the fat guy community with a whopping 10 pound gain since his umemployment:) with a steady diet of bacon and beef we think there will be a "big" future for him. so as a fat guy blog exclusive we are going to track and monitor his progress so that posterity can have a record of the "Large" commitment that Garret has made to become a fat guy. if you have any comments for him post them here and we should start discussions on what his initial weight gain goal should be...he has been super skinny his whole life!!! well were off to the races!!!

Garett Lawrence--initial starting weight 132
second weigh in--142

The Southern Chapter Rebuttal

2007-07-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Any self-respecting Southern raised Southern Baptist knows you don't eat Dunkin Donuts at church, that's why we sell Krispy Kreme's outside the Wal Mart at all our fundraisin' functions...

Donuts are the new Sins???

2007-07-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

Thanks Big Daddy... this is great!

FatGuys in Action!

2007-06-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

hamburger holy grail

2007-02-27T06:15:00.000-08:00

Pa. Restaurant Creates 123-Pound Burger, Central Pa. Restaurant Weighs in With Whopping 123-Pound Burger for $379 - CBS News

CLEARFIELD, Pa., Feb. 27, 2007

(AP) The newest addition to the menu at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub is one whopper of a burger. The Beer Barrel Main Event Charity Burger weighs in at 123 pounds, a meaty monstrosity that its cooks maintain shatters the world record of 105 pounds shared by two restaurants in New Jersey and Thailand.

The sizable sandwich features an 80-pound beef patty, along with a pound each of lettuce, ketchup, relish, mustard and mayonnaise, 160 slices of cheese, up to five onions and 12 tomatoes.

It's topped with a couple of pounds of banana peppers, then sandwiched into a 30-pound bun. Don't forget the garnish of 33 pickles.

There's a pretty hefty price tag, too: $379.

The Clearfield pub unveiled the menu item over the weekend. Restaurant owner Denny Leigey said he plans to submit paperwork on his colossal culinary creation to the Guinness Book of World Records.

It's not the first time that Leigey has waded into the competition for the world's biggest burger. He drew headlines a couple years ago when he unveiled the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, which weighed in at a mere 15 pounds.

Leigey said he didn't know how many calories were stuffed into his latest gigantic entree.

"If you were worried about calories you would be at home eating Kellogg's," he said.

___

Information from: The Progress: http://www.theprogressnews.com/default.asp

Gut For Your Health

2007-02-09T11:10:00.000-08:00

Beer Belly Protects Man During Car Wreck

Thursday, February 08, 2007

An oversized belly did a lucky milkman one big favor.

When a hijacker jumped into his milk delivery van, Andrew Creed chased after it and grabbed on to an open window, the U.K. Sun reported. But Creed lost his grip when the thief started zig-zagging to shake him loose, and he got thrown under.

Creed got banged up to the tune of two broken fingers, cuts to his head and tire marks on his legs and stomach.

But Creed was able to see the bright side:

“I reckon my beer belly saved me from being hurt a lot worse,” he said.

The thief fled after abandoning the vehicle.

From: Fox News

santa vaca!

2007-02-06T10:40:00.000-08:00

This is one fabulous giant newborn Mexican baby. Check out this video.

Fat Boy

2007-01-26T09:02:00.001-08:00

What an awesome squirrel! Looks like he's been digging in OUR trashcan...

Fat Boy
Originally uploaded by mandj98.

Coffee with that donut?

2007-01-26T05:38:00.000-08:00

Finally, a scientist with FatGuys'interests at heart! My question is... how would you wash it down if the coffee's already in there?

Scientist Develops Caffeinated Doughnuts
Scientist Develops Caffeinated Doughnuts; Each Is Equivalent to 2 Cups of Coffee

DURHAM. N.C. Jan 26, 2007 (AP)— That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That's what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he's developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.

While the product is not on the market yet, Bohannon has approached some heavyweight companies, including Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks about carrying it.

From: abcnews.com

fatguy theme song

2006-12-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Shorty's rapper friends, Matt now has his own theme song, "Eatin Lil'Debbies." It's great... check it out on his MySpace page.

fatguy manna from heaven...?

2006-12-01T13:49:00.000-08:00

hee hee, check out this story & pictures. What fatguy wouldn't be excited by miles of washed-up doritos?

The Virginian-Pilot
© November 30, 2006

A cargo container that apparently fell from a ship washed up on the Outer Banks of North Carolina on Thursday and spilled thousands of bags of Doritos brand tortilla chips on the beach. People collected the chips, which were apparently still fresh due to their airtight packaging. It was unknown which ship had lost the cargo or to what port it was bound.

lazy pays off!

2006-11-22T06:17:00.000-08:00

From cbsnews.com...

Recliner Saves Man Who Was Shot in Head
Calif. man shot in the head escapes virtually unscathed after his easy chair absorbs bullet

WALNUT CREEK, Calif., Nov. 22, 2006

(AP) Now comes another reason to stay put in the La-Z-Boy: A man sitting in his easy chair was shot in the head by his wife, but the sturdy recliner absorbed most of the bullet's force and left him virtually unscathed.

The couple had been arguing at home on Sunday evening, said Contra Costa County sheriff's Lt. Charles Skuce. Then Jan Kamp stood behind her seated husband and fired a gun at the back of his head, Skuce said.

Because she fired through the recliner, the bullet only slightly wounded Norman Kamp, 57, Skuce said.

Norman stood up from his chair, followed his wife into the kitchen and declared, "You shot me," according to authorities.

Jan Kamp fired a second shot at her husband, but missed, Skuce said. He retreated to a neighbor's house in the unincorporated Pacheco area of the county, where he called 911.

After talking to deputies, Norman Kamp was treated at a hospital and released.

Jan Kamp, 58, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder and booked at County Jail in Martinez.

red, white, and fried??

2006-11-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

Where fat guys and patriotism clash? Someone decided to fry the flag. Somehow I don't think that would digest too well!

Deep-Fried American Flags Art Tossed From Tennessee Museum (from Fox News)

CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — A museum director in this military town removed an art exhibit featuring several deep-fried American flags.

Art student William Gentry said his piece, "The Fat Is in the Fire," was a commentary on obesity in America. "I deep-fried the flag because I'm concerned about America and about America's health," Gentry said.

Customs House Museum executive director Ned Crouch took down the artwork Wednesday less than 18 hours after it went up in this community next to the Fort Campbell.

"It's about what the community values," Crouch said. "I'm representing 99 percent of our membership — educators, doctors, lawyers, military families."

He also said the timing of the piece could cause "incendiary reactions."

"Never in the history of the country has the flag been more hated or more loved," Crouch said.

The exhibit featured three U.S. flags imprinted with such phrases as "Poor people are obese because they eat poorly" and dozens of smaller flags fried in peanut oil, egg batter, flour and black pepper.

lark news strikes again

2006-11-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

Oh how I love Lark News, the Christian equivalent of The Onion... check out this story! We SO need to use this method, we'd be full to overflowing!

Another reason for that extra protective layer...

2006-10-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

If any of y'all decide to become a cult leader and manage to get the death penalty, you're in luck... your girth may protect you from an untimely death! (Although I'm not so sure you'll be eating cheeseburgers in paradise after leading the flock astray!)

Cult leader says he's too obese for execution - CNN.com

32 Ounces of Love

2006-08-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

It began with a challenge... the Texas Roadhouse "Bad Larry" (32 ounces of pure, red, bloody meat). Matt had been plotting for weeks, and the time had finally come! At last, it arrived!

Matt started with the "skinny" end and began working his way through. He did hit a roadblock at about 18 oz. when the cow began fighting back. A little iced tea did the trick of easing it back into his digestive tract.

About 80% of the way through, the waitress asked if she should get the t-shirt ready. Mat perked right up. He didn't realize a t-shirt came with the feat! He had been eating the steak for pure unadulterated Fat Guy pleasure! With renewed vigor, he chomped his way through the rest... and put his game face on for the last bite.

And the final question from the waitress... "Do you want some dessert?"

The reward at the end of a long, enjoyable afternoon... the bulge of honor!

from the southern chapter of the fat boys club...

2006-06-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

The fat boy's view of the Gulf of Mexico on Galveston island....

Fat Don't Fly

2006-02-20T21:13:00.000-08:00

One of the funniest comments I heard during the Olympic Broadcast was a comment one of the commentators made during the ski jumping competition. On the top of the large hill, was some scrawny Finnish guy who was over 6' tall and weighed less than 150 lbs. Sure enough, the guy jumps an incredulous 140 meters and the commentator blats out, "he hit a home run, what a jump. Once again, you can see that Fat Don't Fly!"

After going to Salt Lake Olympics, standing on the side of the K90 jumping hill, and seeing numerous postponements for 20 mph winds; you don't have to worry about this fat boy trying to fly.

Fellas, crack open the non-diet sodas, grab the bag of munchies or the popcorn, and enjoy the daredevils from the comfort of your couch.

church of the fatguy

2006-01-24T20:01:00.000-08:00

here i am to worship.....
Y'all need to check out this website... the Church Sign Generator

Back from Fat Boy Haven

2006-01-05T17:06:00.000-08:00

Ahh! I just returned from a trip to Nacogdoches, TX - the all-inclusive founding location of the Fat Guys Club and headquarters of the Fat Guy eateries delux. If there's one thing every Fat Guy has to indulge in, it's the onion rings from Clear Springs Seafood Restaurant. Poor Justin and Sara, they were so close, yet not close enough to indulge in these delights. I guess they needed Andy to navigate for them... Meanwhile, Justin has sent us a Christmas ornament of the Cracker Barrel, so Stacey and I had fun taunting them with pics of the eateries on the camera phone.

To those of you who are Fat Guy ignorant - the Fat Guys Haven of Nacogdoches has some of the best food for the gang and it does it without a Cracker Barrel. On top of the seafood and onion rings at Clear Springs, I was fortunate enough to dine at La Carreta (a favorite of the group), Butcher Boys (something like a meat market and restaurant in one), The BBQ House (a Texas style BBQ eatery), the Cotton Patch (kinda like a local version of Cracker Barrel with a little more upscale feel), and San Miguel (another Mexican eatery in town). We even cheated at chowed down at On The Border in Tyler. I've eaten so much Mexican food that I feel like I'm swimming in salsa. None of this even counts the family's cooking which is another story of indulgence within itself.

Needless to say, with that good eating, I need to jump on that treadmill for a long time. Naaah, that wouldn't be much of a Fat Guy! The question is: "How much do those big and tall jeans cost???"

oh there's my blog, I must have been sitting on it!

2005-12-21T05:54:00.000-08:00

Ok, sorry for the month-and-a-half or so of silence. The FatGuys have been in an extra-long hibernation. The sight of Kevin using his belly as a laundry folding table last night inspired me to post again. Stephen has promised some FatGuy-worthy news from Nacogdoches soon as well. I have added Kevin and Matt and hopefuly Stephen as contributors and I am looking forward to postings from the mouths of the Guys themselves... when they are not busy chewing.

super(size)heroes

2005-11-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

Yet another flight of fancy took off from runway 1008 the other night. We were pulling out of the driveway when Justin started yelling "Quick, Fatman! To the Fatmobile!" Matt, the trusty sidekick, was quickly dubbed "Blobbin," and you can just imagine what ensued.

jiggling jedi

2005-11-04T13:06:00.000-08:00

The FatGuys celebrated the DVD release of the last StarWars movie the other night with a hearty round of Justin's signature creamy milkshakes. What can beat lying immobile on the couch while downing copious amounts of calories... while watching the Jedis in the movie do all the work!

ode to our favorite sport

2005-10-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

If it weren't for linebackers, sumo wrestling and competitive eating, FatGuys might be unfairly excluded from the wide world of sports. After all, where do you think the "Wide" came from in the first place? It's about time FatGuy athletes got some recognition, not just in Japan. Check out this story about some of our fat-loving friends.

Freddie goes FatGuy!

2005-10-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

The FatGuys would like to offer their congratulations and praise to Freddie Prinze, Jr. According to this story, Freddie unleashed his inner FatGuy and totally mowed at the Chinese buffet. So much, in fact, that he tore the muscle between two ribs! That is a feat unparallelled even by the Guys themselves! If this story is indeed true (and we are not in a place to vouch for its veracity) then Freddie, though skinny, is now the honorary FatGuy of the Year. It just goes to show that even if you're lipid-challenged on the outside, it's the heart that counts. Freddie, we salute you!

More Adventures

2005-10-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to report that the latest FatGuy trip has been cancelled. Picture, if you will three FatGuys driving to Indianapolis - approximately four hours - in a Neon. What could be the motivation for such a non-roomy trip? Sonic, of course. Now that the one in Fort Wayne is closed, the nearest Sonic is in Indy. Only the lure of the cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper, cherry limeaid, tater tots, and cream pie shake could put the FatGuys in such a compromising position. The case that was made for cramming into the Neon was that it gets 32 miles to the gallon... however, I am certain that that number does NOT apply when the load limit of the vehicle is maxed out! Anyhow, the Guys got cold feet and opted instead for a trip to their other favorite destination, Famous Dave's Barbecue in Grand Rapids. A much shorter drive, and larger portions. And of course... the trip wasn't complete without a stop for ice cream afterwards!

Anyhow, the Guys decided to make a Western Michigan day out of it, and their bulk ended up serving them very well. They ventured out onto the pier in Grand Haven during a very windy day... and the only thing that saved them from being swept into Lake Michigan by the crashing waves was, of course, their impressive heft! One of the many reasons why being a FatGuy is so indisputably awesome.

The Best TV Show EVER!

2005-10-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

If any of you were fortunate enough to turn on Bravo last night you got to experience the one of the best TV shows the FatGuys have ever seen.... "Great Things About Being Fat." The show said it all, actually... it pretty much rendered the blog obsolete! Go to the site and check out the schedule and make SURE you catch it this week. Just when I think I want to cancel this channel because 90% of the shows are so awful they make me want to barf.. they come up with this gem. We need to obtain a copy of this show and make it required FatGuy Club initiation material!

14 pound lasagna

2005-10-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

The famous lasagna came out for our dinner this evening. And it was indeed 14 pounds... at the official weigh-in before cooking. It's become something of a ritual. Tim did a very FatGuy thing this evening as well... he DIDN'T go play hockey and he DID eat three very large pieces of lasagna. We are very proud of him! He will know the joys of rotundity yet!

the gut check

2005-10-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

This site looks pretty promising... there aren't any really true FatGuys in the gallery yet though. If they come to Michigan State we will have to make sure we have a FatGuy lineup that will crowd out all the others. I'm not sure I can afford all that paint though!

hide and seek, fatguy style

2005-10-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took our church youth group camping. They wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. Matt was sitting comfortably by the fire and he got to be "it." Well, this FatGuy wasn't about to burn the calories he'd just gained from his cheese brats by running around looking for hiders, so he decided to play along and count to 100 like he was supposed to. "One," he yelled out. About three minutes later, we hear "25!" Five minutes later... "26!" And so on... till they eventually all came back. Matt hadn't moved, but had "found them" nonetheless. A classic FatGuy ploy.

Bigger Better Blog

2005-09-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the BIGGER and BETTER home of the FatGuyBlog! Please don't let the juicy burger cause you to drool on your keyboard, because you'll be needing it. I'm going to set up some of you charter members as contributors so you'll be able to post as well. Hope the new environment is roomy enough! I am still fooling with the pictures so please bear with me.

Rita Report

2005-09-29T08:49:00.001-07:00

Here are the very important FatGuy highlights from Stephen's latest report on Hurricane Rita. What better place to be stranded than Nacogdoches, TX... birthplace of the Fat Guy Club. It was at these selfsame venues that the few extra pounds that finally pushed Justin over the edge were obtained. Guys, hope you can taste the memories...

"We get breakfast at McDonalds..."

"We finally get everyone together and go to lunch at Clear Springs (the place where Stacey and I had our rehearsal dinner) and the onion rings settled our hunger quickly. Due to the oppressive heat, upper 90’s, we do not get in any hurry to eat our dinner and leave the air conditioning, the cold soft drinks and hot cooked meals."

"Stacey and I sit in line at a Church’s Fried Chicken for 30 minutes in order to bring back some fried chicken to her parents for dinner ..."

"...Next, I came back to change and meet up with the family again and we head to my favorite place in Nacogdoches – Butcher Boys for a nice 1/3 lb bacon cheeseburger. Fortunately, they let evacuees have their food ½ price and this also helped out our family."

"We return to town had a relaxing dinner a La Carreta ..."

"...We were sitting on the porch in our own pools of sweat and I notice he’s sitting there with sweat pouring off him and he had the leaf blower sitting beside him. Next, I notice he has this mischievous twinkle in his eye like he’s about to do something coy or silly. He looks at the fan (a standard ceiling fan run by electricity) and looks at his leaf blower. Next thing you know, he cranks the leaf blower, aims it towards the fan and the blades of the fan start rotating...momentary relief."

new recruit

2005-09-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

The FatGuys warmly welcomed a new member into their fold(s) yesterday. After experiencing fat "non-appreciation" from his fiancee (who otherwise seems like a very nice girl) he found solace in the sturdy companionship of the FatGuys and affirmation in their continual celebration of all things obese. Hopefully his fiancee will come to see the light of the glory of Fatness as well... when that light isn't blocked out...

moving experience

2005-09-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

It was suggested last night that we replace our five steps going up to the second level with an escalator. Apparently the climb is far too strenuous for some members of our household. In a similar flight of fancy, a people-mover was suggested for the 25 yard-or-so "commute" from the house to the church. All this while sucking down a bottle of Easy Cheese on Ritz crackers. Nothing like food for inspiration...

the roof, the roof.... the roof is falling down!

2005-09-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Matt generously offered to paint and seal his mom's roof this weekend. As with many other tasks, the last time this was performed was when Matt was but a shadow of his current self. After some interesting maneuvers to get up on the roof without a ladder, which included nearly breaking his door handle by standing on it, he managed to hoist his largeness up and proceed to fix the roof. However, when he finally made it down and back inside, he realized that much of the ceiling had been shaken loose. I'm not sure what the weight limit of a trailer roof is but I think it's safe to say it was gloriously exceeded.

Fifteen?

2005-09-08T08:47:00.001-07:00

So we went to Red Robin after church last Sunday with most of the FatGuy contingent (along with all of us SKINNY girls. ;-) We told them a table for 15, which was the actual number of people that we had. Alas, we neglected to mention that with the group bulk taken into account, we would need more actual SPACE than 15 dinky chairs. The FatGuys were quite proud of the fact that we spread to an additional table to accomodate our collective roominess.

don't give that man a cart...

2005-09-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

The event of Matt's moving into the official FatGuy household has, in addition to further stressing the floorboards, provided ample Fatness opportunities. First to arrive in his room was his very own, brand new dorm size fridge. This fridge has a lock and key, apparently to keep me from stealing chilled Nutty Bars. (right....) He also has a new, large dresser that is half for clothes and half for food. I know, it's not truly FatGuy unless the whole thing is for food... but we're making an attempt here.

What's the first thing a FatGuy does with a new fridge and dresser drawers? Fill them with food, of course! Matt Justin, and many bags came traipsing through the door after apparently pillaging Kroger. I'm imagining that the stockpeople had quite a busy night refilling all the empty shelf spaces. Needless to say, Matt's fridge and dresser drawers (not to mention my chest freezer) are busting at the seams. The FatGuys will be all set in case Hurricane Maria decides to veer off course and hit Michigan.

Alabama Represents

2005-08-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

The mecca of FatGuys is now officially Alabama, according to this report from our Southern chapter. We're poud of y'all! Keep up the good ... ummm... work might be too strong of a word here...

International Fat Appreciation

2005-08-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

This photo is from one of my favorite websites ever: engrish.com. The best part is I bet this t-shirt probably only comes sized up to an Asian XL, which would be ultra-skin tight on any self respecting FatGuy who managed to get it over his head!

FatGuy of the Week (and a half)

2005-08-22T08:45:00.001-07:00

Scott definitely wins this award for the amazing feat of gaining 10 pounds in a week and a half! He's made his brother quite jealous in the process; Garrett tries SO hard but is plagued by that evil disease called metabolism. Perhaps he will be smiled upon one day in the future with the blessings of middle-age spread. Hang in there buddy!

Fat Floats... the continuing saga

2005-08-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

There really is nothing quite like swimming with FatGuys. I don't think there are any other situations so rife with opportunity for fat appreciation. Add a diving board and water slide into the mix and it just enhances the unique experience.

In an ecologically-minded effort to raise lake levels, Scott performed the FatGuy Wave for us. It went something like, "You wanna see a Fat Guy wave?" followed by a thunderous cannonball off of the diving board while waving, of course. Physics was never so much fun. Of course, newfound fatness has its perils, as Matt discovered while surface diving. His belly is several inches closer to the surface than it was when he learned his rescue diving techniques, so he met the aforementioned surface a bit flatter and sooner than anticiapted. Ouch.

The crowning glory on our evening of fat frolicking was conquering the water slide. It rocked perilously from side to side as the ladder was climbed, and it took several scoots from each FatGuy to get started on the descent as their bootys were wedged pretty tightly between the sides. The landing splashes were well worth the effort, however, as anyone standing nearby got thoroughly drenched. The moral of this story is... if you want a recipie for the ultimate water adventure, FatGuys are the essential ingredient!

Fat Fiction

2005-08-09T08:44:00.001-07:00

Justin suggested last night that we put out a call for Fat Fiction. If anyone is feeling like doing some hefty creative writing, please feel free to send it along and I will introduce it to that dubious world of instant internet publishing which is the blog. Truthful and/or fanciful anecdotes are all welcome, as long as they extol the wonders of FatGuy-dom and are suitable for all who may peruse.

Hope for Tim

2005-08-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

Poor Tim, all skinny and buff... one of those exercising, sporty types. Even his diet of all frozen potato-based products and bratwurst has failed to produce an ounce of fat on him anywhere. With such a bleak outlook, we had lost all hope of Tim ever joining the FatGuy club. However, a shining spark of hope has been lit. Now that Jerri is here, Tim is learning that he will have to not only finish his dinner but her leftovers as well. Now if we can just manage to restrain him from climbing anything or running anywhere, we might just be able to get those extra calories to take hold!

extreme home makeover

2005-08-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

Due to the previously reported demise of our dining room chairs (and the fact that nothing matched anymore) Justin and I decided to purchase a new dining set. I'm not quite sure what the sharky salesmen thought when they observed us sitting on the chairs and bouncing up and down to determine their degree of FatGuy friendliness. I'm sure "you break it, you bought it" ran through their minds several times. Anyhow, we finally selled on a sturdy, padded set that should keep all the FatGuy bootys safe from crashing through for years and pounds to come. Leave it to Value City!

Local flavor

2005-07-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

Matt sampling the local cuisine (naturally) and archaic fire apparatus in Watch Hill, RI.

That's Hot....

2005-07-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent pics of our members. The first is me with TJ, the second is Matt and Andy proudly displaying their bulk at LifeWay, and the third is... well, maybe one day they will get fat enough to play this guitar, but in the meantime Matt's horizontal stripes unfortunately aren't doing much to accentuate his gut.

Beached Whales

2005-07-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

We just got back from a weekend full of FatGuy bliss. Not only did we all get to chow down on my mom's home cooking but we also got to have a kosher breakfast of bagels and lox and cream cheese, and a dinner of not-so-kosher lobster and steamers. The highlight of the weekend was DEFINITELY the sights, however. FatGuys in the pool, displacing the water... FatGuys on the beach... FatGuys in all their glory. My particular favorite was watching Matt chase Justin around the pool trying to get him to jump in. After that we were treated to Matt singing "Can't Touch This" and doing a jiggly dance. I even gave in and did a FatChick dive for the Guys' enjoyment. However, we were not brave enough to get pictures, so the FatGuy frolicking will have to live on in blog format.

Not quite the Arby's guy...

2005-07-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

This picture reminded me of the Arby's commerical where the guy has the Arby's hat floating over his head. Not quite the same, but it definitely shows that food is always on a FatGuy's mind...

Mexi-Gut

2005-07-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

Last night we had just finished watcing a Mercy Me concert... the band fronted by the most awesome FatGuy rock star ever, Bart Millard. Having left at about midnight, the urge to run (or drive) for the border came upon us as we passed an open Taco Bell. As Justin pulled up to the drive-thru box and began ordering, the inevitable question was asked... "Tacos hard or soft?" Before Justin could reply, Matt chimed in with "Soft... like my belly." The poor drive thru attendant had to put us on hold while she snorted with laughter. Of course being so late at night we were giggling uncontrollably as well. It was just the thing to top off our evening of fat fair food and fine music.

Divine Dunlap

2005-07-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

Matt is quite proud of himself for perfecting the art of the "Dunlap Tuck." His napkin no longer slides off of his lap because he can tuck the edge of it underneath his ample spare tire. That napkin's not going ANYwhere. Who knew that fatness could even improve one's table manners.

Man-Planet

2005-07-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

The Weeky World News is famous for its wonderfully outlandish FatGuy stories. I had to give in and buy one a few weeks ago at K-Mart when I was sucked in at the checkout line by the cover story... "World's Fattest People." That made for random shouts of "Holy crap, dude!!!" from the bathroom for a few days. Justin sent along this gem today for our perusal.

Traffic stopper

2005-06-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently Thailand needs to be schooled on the appreciation of the Fat Guy. For some reason they don't think Fat Guys look good directing traffic... read here... but think about it, what stops traffic better than a nicely uniformed, highly visible Fat Guy? They are missing out on a valuable resource if you ask me.

New pledge pulling his weight

2005-06-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

For a skinny guy, Robert is taking huge bites toward fatness. He had his first moment worthy of Fat Guy documentation last Friday night when he was interrupted from eating to be taken out to dinner. His future as a Fat Guy is looming large!

Aspartame Blasphemy

2005-06-20T08:36:00.001-07:00

Another incident of this past month that is worthy of recording is the dirty trick that was played on Matt by his mom, who is needlessly alarmed at his expanding waistline. Actually it's Justin's waistline that's expanding and Matt's booty, if we want to be specific. But back to the story. Matt was leisurely working on a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper. He strayed away, and came back to take a swig, and was rudely shocked by a mouthful of Diet Coke. The Dr. Pepper had been surreptitiously replaced with an aspartame-laden substitute. Needless to say, that Fat Guy was none too happy.

Two down, two to go.

2005-06-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

Previously I reported that Matt had gloriously busted one of our new dining room chairs. Not to be outdone, Justin has since decimated a second. As he was leaning back, he suddenly pitched over with a loud crack and the chair was in about four different pieces. It was quite hilarious... luckily Justin was OK as all that cushioning protected him. Needless to say I was quite proud of my husband at that moment. However, I am keeping a sharp eye on the two remaining chairs... the rest of us have to have something to sit on!

National Convention

2005-06-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

I must say those Fat Guys are contagious. I've had quite the streak of laziness here with the blog. Now that I've seen the bulk (and I mean bulk) of the Guys off on their trip to Nashville and the National Beta Iota Gamma convention, I have a few updates to post. Matt called at lunchtime to let me know that after months of Michigan deprivation, he, Justin, and Andy were feasting upon the manna of Sonic, with cheeseburgers, tater tots, and cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper galore. It is really making me crave one of those coconut cream pie shakes. Oy.

Big Elvis

2005-05-25T08:34:00.000-07:00

This dude is awesome. Apparently this photo was taken in a Las Vegas parade and the guy is appropriately known as "Big Elvis." Photo from CNN.

Episode III : Revenge of the Fat Guys

2005-05-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

The phenomenon of Star Wars affects our inner psyches in different ways. For a Fat Guy, that desire to be an all-powerful Jedi knight can take some interesting twists and turns. For example, Matt had a dream the other night that the Fat Guy Jedis were battling the evil Skinny Guys (represented by Steve.) In order to prevent excessive movement, the Fat Guys were standing back to back in an immovable fortress formation and would toss the light saber between themselves to defend the corresponding flanks. Apparently the Skinny Guys weapon of choice was a health shake, which was thrown at the Fat Guys and destroyed with the light saber. The Fat Guys then threw milkshakes back at the Skinny Guys.
Sometimes, one can only be awestruck by the manifestations of Fatness that ooze forth from the brains of our illustrious members.

UPDATE 5/24: Apparently the food of choice is cheese today. Justin and Matt are now referring to themselves as Obese-Wan Kenobi and his Fatawan Learner, respectively.

born with a plastic spoon in his mouth

2005-05-11T08:33:00.001-07:00

The Chop Card is apparently platinum plus with no limits, as I discovered Sunday night when I observed Matt being literally spoon-fed the remains of Lynn's taco salad. Pity he had to expend the energy to move his jaw muscles for the mastication process. Homemade chocolate pies seem to magically materialize in his presence as well. The powers of the Card are formidable.

How do you get a Fat Guy to exercise?

2005-05-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

Drive an ice cream truck past the house without stopping... that is the first time I have seen Rich run anywhere. He missed the truck too so all that calorie-burning was in vain. He had to settle for an ice cream sandwich from the freezer.

One down, three to go

2005-05-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

We seem to have a problem keeping dining room chairs intact at our house. We just got four different ones becuase our old ones were falling apart, but now we are down to three again after Matt plunked his J-Lo jiggler down on one yesterday and nearly fell through the middle. He was pretty proud of himself but didn't sit down again for a little while.

Packing Burrito

2005-05-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

Look out when a Fat Guy brings his lunch to school, things can turn lethal (and I'm not talking about the aftereffects of the beans in this big ol' burrito either!) I'm not sure if this kid was a skinny feller or not, but he is definitely a Fat Guy at heart. Read all about it.

A Beauty from Bartlesville

2005-05-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

This mouthwatering (or stomach-churning) creation is Justin's favorite: a world-famous Murphy's Hot Hamburger from Murphy's Steakhouse in Bartlesville, Oklahoma. It starts from the bottom up with two slabs of buttery texas toast , then a big sirloin patty, then a mound of fries, and then all of the above drowned in brown gravy. This particular specimen was transported from Bartlesville to Fort Gibson by Justin's grandma Ruby and reassembled for his pure Fat Guy delight. He has tried to figure out a way to have one FedEx'ed to him up here in Michigan but that plan hasn't come to fruition yet. The first photo is the famous Murphy's, home of the Hambuger. Notice the eloquent, distinctively Oklamahanian name of the gas station in the background.

fat camp

2005-05-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

This evening was ushered in by Andy and Matt in repose on the love seat, drinking a homemeade strawberry milkshake infused with whipping cream and eating my chocolate chip cookies. As they munched, they took in a lovely, inspiring story about fat camp and the underground food runners bringing treats to the poor starving inmates. This is a tasty read full of corpulent imagery; y'all should check it out if you can manage to move the mouse.

Road trip!

2005-05-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

I believe Pennsylvania will be the destination of choice for the next Fat Guys' road trip. Read here about the largest burger offered in the world. I personally think the mayo is the crowning glory.

UPDATE 5/4... there is even a video about this one!

Better than yours

2005-05-03T08:27:00.001-07:00

In a successful bid to bring all the boys from the basement, Justin purchased a milkshake maker last night. Nevermind the fact that there is already plenty of shake to go around in this household, I'm surprised the foundation hasn't cracked yet

brownies.... umm, tasty....

2005-05-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

After TJ brought me brownies last week that he made himself, my heart softened and i revoked his cookie probation status. However, I was not aware of the truly Fat Guy origins of those innocent looking brownies. As I was returning the empty brownie container to TJ, Amy happened to see it and comment "Were those the brownies that you were making in your underwear the other night?" Gotta love your sisters guys.

Getting regular

2005-04-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

Matt reports with great excitement this morning that he and Justin got recognized at the local Krispy Kreme store, a badge of Fat Guy honor. Apparently the KK worker remembered that Matt always asks for strawberry milk and she always tells him that they don't have any. This incident underlines the fact that you can always spot a Fat Guy not only by his impressive girth but also by his one-track mind. His inability to comprehend why a holy place such as Krispy Kreme would not have such a Fat Guy friendly item as strawberry milk is quite understandable when you look at it that way.

Boxes are the devil

2005-04-25T20:18:00.000-07:00

According to TJ, to-go boxes at restaurants are "the devil." Thanks to this revelation, we are at last aware of Satan's insidious disguise. Any suggestion that Fat Guys might not finish all of the food set before them is truly a recipie for disaster.

Bigger In Texas

2005-04-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

For our picture of the day, I thought I would induce some drool with the gargantuan plate of onion rings direct from Nacogdoches, TX.

FatGuys apparently not buying enough Krispy Kremes

2005-04-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

Stacey has recently sent this report detailing another chapter in the disturbing demise of the Krispy Kreme enterprise. Apparently Fat Guys need to kick it back into gear and buy more KK's or else they are in danger of losing a chief form of Fat Guy sustenance! Click here to read the latest.

Skinniness Overrated - Scientifically Proven

2005-04-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

At last, fat-maligners everywhere have admitted that skinny is not all it's cracked up to be! Read here for the whole story. Finally science is tipping the scales in the Fat Guys' favor. (That takes a heck of a lot of science, by the way.)

Fat Finality

2005-04-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

One of Matt's most famous flights of fancy involves having a specially constructed casket at his funeral with a big bump in the lid to accommodate his belly. Morose, yes, but apparently not as far from possibility as once fancied. ABC has an article today (here) about the demand for supersized caskets. An affirmation that Fat Guys, indeed, are taking over not only this world but the hereafter as well! I wonder if Peter is widening the Pearly Gates to accommodate our members.

TJ Desperate for Cookies

2005-04-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

TJ has been sinking to new, pathetic depths to try and get his cookie priveleges reinstated. He is perfecting the art of making puppy eyes and complaining that his elbow hurts. He is even trying to pull the Chop card by proxy and get Matt to ask me to make cookies. I think the exact line I heard was, "My friend is in pain, he needs some cookies." Nice try guys. If y'all are reading the blog I'll give you a heads up... I need to make them next Monday night for a party on Tuesday. If you are there MAYBE a double batch can be in the works...

Portrait in Kreme

2005-04-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Enjoying his just desserts is our president of the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma, and sender of the Fat Tchotchke (along with his lovely wife who is not pictured!)

FatGuy Fan Mail

2005-04-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

The Fat Guys received their first ever piece of mail this weekend. A beautifully decorated package emblazoned with stickers of donuts, pizza, cinnamon rolls, etc. arrived addressed to the Fat Guys. In it was our first Fat Tchotchke, a lovely trivet with the motto "As for me and my house, we will serve the couch." Quite appropriate, and thanks to the Alabama Chapter of Beta Iota Gamma for passing that on to us! Of course I had to be the one to bring the pagckage and a knife into the living room and set the trivet out on display since the members of the Club were too busy serving the couch. They had a good view of the spectacle though.

Sumo Envy

2005-04-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

For the record, Justin used sumo wrestlers as an analogy in his sermon yesterday morning. We should hunker down, get ready, and let the world come at us. A shameless plug for spiritual fatness, and a sign that the Fat Guys seek to be as well-rounded in their heftiness as possible!

Matt vs. Famous Dave's BBQ

2005-04-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

One of the jewels in the crown of Fat Guy achievement is Matt's heroic consumption at Famous Dave's Barbecue on Andy's birthday. It was truly a night no one will ever forget, a Fat Guy's wildest dream come true. After making the hour-plus pilgiramge from Lansing to Grand Rapids, we arrived just in time for Matt to use his EMT skills in helping a lady who wasn't feeling well and had called an ambulance. The Fat Guys benefited from Matt's selflessness by all receiving a boost up the wait list. The night continued to improve from there. As the Fat Guys (and some of us girls too) waited eagerly for their extra-large portions to arrive, the order got mixed up, and by divine intervention Matt ended up with TWO full-size orders. Mounds of rib tips slathered in sauce, complete with double helpings of all the fixins. I made the fatal mistake of suggesting a to go box. It was all over from that point. In an unparallelled display of Fat Guy valor, Matt stripped down to his t-shirt, unbuckled his belt, stuck a napkin in his collar, and went to town. We were all mesmerized with his voracious devouring of pounds of cow, wresting the meat from the bone with a relish and tossing the remains aside. Hands splattered with Sweet and Sassy spoils of barbecue sauce, he paused for a moment and then dove into the fixins. When it was all over, I ceremonially placed a napkin over the glistening mound of bones and fat and asked the waitress to give it a decent burial. Altogether Matt managed to consume about three pounds of meat plus two helpings of baked beans (which those of us riding in the car with him discouraged to no avail) and nearly everything else on the plates. As he was reclining in stupor after the feat was completed, the waitress came up and put the veritable cherry on top of the sundae. His Fat Guy evening was capped by the presentation of a gift certificate for a free dinner for four, due to his helping the lady earlier in the evening. I won't go into detail about the pain Matt (and the rest of us) were in on the ride home and how he remained motionless on the couch for quite a while after our return. But I will say that such an achievement elevated him to Superior Fat Guy status for quite a while.

Treachery!!!

2005-04-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

Fat Guys everywhere have been betrayed! Those healthy people have brainwashed Cookie Monster. Read all about it here. Poor Cookie's purpose in life, unabashed gluttony, is being thwarted by the veggie-waving, sugar-and-fat-bashing, exercising.... well, you get the point. It's all part of a vast left-wing conspiracy led by miserably skinny people waging war against our lipids. Fat Guys across America, stand up for Cookie and fight anti-FatGuy discrimination! (oh, except standing up might burn calories...)

Photo Tryout

2005-04-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

Trying out a picture. Most of you have seen this, but for those who haven't, this is the fat guy's view of St. Louis, MO. Taken after Justin, Andy and I hit the last Krispy Kreme before leaving the South after Stephen and Stacey's wedding. That was before one opened in Lansing, bless their overworked hearts!

An historic moment

2005-04-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

I thought that today I would reach into the Fat Guy archives for a truly historic tale. One of my favorites was the use of Chelsea the dog as a courier. Since it is strenuous exercise to raise one's fatness off of the loveseat and cross the living room to the chair, a true Fat Guy must always use an alternate method in such situations rather than risk losing an ounce of his girth. While Matt was reclining comfortably on the love seat, Justin, in the chair, asked him for some papers. One can see the problem that presented itself. Fortunately, Chelsea was frisking around as usual (in contrast to the other members of our household) and Matt managed to call her over, roll up the papers and stick them under her collar, and then had Justin call her to the chair. She covered the endless six-foot stretch with great ease, thus saving the Fat Guys from any unnecessary movement or decrease in status. The moral of the story: Every Fat Guy needs a dog.

Exercise Divinely Thwarted

2005-04-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight when I got home from class, I asked Justin to come on a walk with me around the 'hood. Too bad he had dinner on the stove. He said he would go when I got back. Of course, as soon as I got back and he put his shoes on, Matt suddenly got Fat Guy ESP and just HAPPENED to cause Justin's cellphone to ring. And of course, as soon as Matt hung up, the Holy Spirit prompted Max to call. Needless to say, it is now dark and Justin has removed his shoes and transported his largeness back to the couch to watch the Spartan women's basketball team exercise in his stead.

Rich Breaks 40

2005-04-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Rich for the first Fat Guy event posting. We are all proud of him for buying his first pair of 40 waist pants today! A former skinny dude at a pathetic size 34, he proudly popped the button on his work pants and his expansion is notable due to his exceptional bypassing of sizes 36 AND 38 in one shot. Congratulations Rich, you are the Fat Guy of the week!

Welcome

2005-04-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the official blog of the Fat Guy Club. I promised the Guys I'd get one of these started to record all of the Fat Guy antics and achievements, including those that lead to the presitigous award of Fat Guy of the Week. I think that title is currently held by TJ for his poetic creation "Ode to Fried Food on Pizza" which was consumed with love at the Oodles of Noodles Buffet. Hopefully the creation of this blog will initiate the long-ruminated Fat Guy Club website, with lots of photos documenting the gastronomic conquests of the formidable Fat Guys.